The Science Of...Your Flirting Style

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, what better way to kick off this series than with some insights into your flirting style! (Because yes, you totally have one.)

When it comes to health and wellness, we often consider bodily things like nutrition, exercise, plenty of rest, etc. But what about our minds, and the effects of our emotions?

Emotions come along with almost everything we do, and can significantly impact our health.


Case in point: You’re “talking” to a guy, when all of a sudden he goes radio silent. He stops texting, or snapchatting, and you quickly begin to feel your stomach cramp. Why?


You feign mild disappointment as you reply. “Yeah I guess he was nice, but I’m not sure if I even liked him anyway. Let’s go get ice cream! I’m craving cookie dough.”


When our emotions creep into our thoughts — ESPECIALLY the negative ones towards the opposite sex, we tend to become less physically active; “eating our feelings” with chocolate, or ice cream, or my personal favorite: both! (#sorryimnotsorry) Our emotions produce very PHYSICAL effects on our bodies.


But rather than playing the blame game, sitting on the couch watching your favorite rom-com and complaining to your girlfriends (“why can’t all men be like McDreamy?!”), you might want to take a look at some insights from a very interesting guy, Dr. Hall from the University of Kansas, who’s broken down the mysterious art of flirting into 5 simple styles.


And if you can identify which one you are, you might just find the key to your next successful relationship! (And keep off those ice cream calories…)

The Study:


Why: To understand if specific types of flirting styles are associated with the how we behave toward someone we are attracted to.

In other words: Can the way we behave subconsciously when we are physically attracted to someone be categorized into a specific, unique style?

And for aLigning purposes, can we become more conscious of how we act when we are into someone to relieve our emotional rollercoaster when it comes to dating?


The Findings:

Check out the table below. Here’s a couple quick notes for reference:

“Self touch” is defined as hands running along any body part in a notable way, itching body, head or face.

“Palming” is defined as moving hands in an opening gesture, associated with invitation of courtship - kind of like tropical birds signaling their mate with their wings.


Also note: The table breakdown above shows that some of the flirting styles have similar interaction behaviors, and Hall and team admit that further research is needed to confirm and tease out the specific behaviors.



See anything you recognize?

Don’t look to identify the style of the guy you’re talking to, but rather can you identify your OWN flirting style?

(Think: Are you just playfully flirting because it’s fun but you’re not actually interested?)


It’s worth it to find out, because the next time you find yourself wondering if you’re into this dude or not, you’ll be able to let go of the stress. Better yet, instead of getting caught up in what he’s doing or not doing, you can break it down for YOURSELF!


And let’s face it, the fact that these results were from complete strangers having a 10-20 minute conversation, makes it even more encouraging that in the world of scary dating apps and websites, you can save yourself the time and emotional havoc of an awkward date with just a quick conversation!


Here’s the aLign take on something to try:  

  1. Think back to a time when you knew you really liked a guy.

  2. How did you find yourself interacting with him?

  3. Narrow it down to your flirting style above.

  4. (And this is the most important one) Don’t waste your time, emotions, or mental balance on the next guy unless you find that he makes you behave this way.

Feelings are important but not always right on the money. Rather pay attention to the behaviors your body subconsciously provides and you may just find out who you are really attracted to. We naturally have a bad guy/not interested finder built-in, so LET'S USE IT!



P.S. We want to hear from you! Have you ever found yourself confused about how you’re feeling toward a guy? If so, what helped you figure it out?

Let me know in the comments below with as much love and compassion (for yourself and others!) as you can muster. Share as much detail as makes good sense. So many amazing people come here each week for insight and inspiration and your story may provide a possibility of insight and inspiration that someone else really needs.

Comments on this post (1 comment)

  • Connie says...

    I think my style is “Sincere”! I still laugh a lot at his jokes and amorously gaze at my hubby! Happy Valentine’s Day Jessica!

    On February 11, 2016

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